If you have been following my previous posts, I am continuing with a description of how J.O., my son, came into my life, and we are almost to the end of this story. Read my previous posts to review the story from the beginning.
The day finally arrived. My husband and I went to the BIG appointment with the specialist. It was just an ordinary ultra sound. Nothing special. Not any new technology. As the doctor prepared for the ultra sound my husband and I held our breath. Cold gel. And then some odd-looking shapes on the ultra sound monitor. Finally the doctor said, “Yes, we have a pregnancy.” Immediately, there was a feeling of relief and then a bolt of excitement. I was actually pregnant. Before we could even utter the question, the doctor said, “There is one baby, and everything looks fine.” Immediate jubilation rushed through my head. I am sure there was a big smile on my face along with some happiness tears on my cheeks. The doctor congratulated us, and then gloated a little about how good of a job he did. I reminded him, jokingly, that we played a big role in this too. He may have been the mechanic, but it was our egg and sperm that was the most important piece. He laughed.
After giving us the prescription for the hormones to take for the next month or so, the doctor recommended a pediatrician and sent us on our way. The mechanic’s job was done, and now it was in our hands.
As we drove home, the reality of the whole thing kind of hit me. First of all I was excited about being pregnant with a baby. I had not really envisioned getting to this point. This meant more planning and preparation, which I had not thought about. Our home needed to be set up for the day when we would bring home the baby. Plus, there was the issue of my job still being up in the air. I needed to read up on what goes on with a woman and her body during the pregnancy. I had to read up on what goes on with the baby up until he is born. [I said he, but at that time we did not know it was a boy.] I probably needed to read about what happens after he is born too. I had to think about what kind of delivery we would be doing. Natural, or not. Probably not. I wanted the baby but was not into experiencing it naturally. Not that I am saying there is anything wrong about having a baby naturally. It was just not my thing. [deep breath] At the moment, the whole situation was kind of overwhelming.
We were close to reaching home, and then the unspoken thought hit me. I lost three of the babies. It was wonderful news that I was pregnant with a baby, but it was a baby. The other three did not make it. A baby, not babies. As these thoughts came upon me, I felt very sad and somewhat disappointed. The best way to describe it was I felt a hollowness inside me. I had spent so much time convincing myself that I could handle more than one baby and that it would be very exciting to have a multiple birth. So I was a little bit saddened, but I was not going to let that feeling ruin the moment. We were now at the point that I could tell the world that I was having a baby.
More to come later . . .