Archive for the ‘Mind Flurries’ Category

The drone of the motor of the car
Permeates throughout the interior of the car.
Never ending. The dull hum vibrates against my ears.
Amidst the drone one can hear the faint sound of a siren.
In traffic a car horn blasts.
A semi passes and its tires roar.
A loud muffler rumbles as another car passes.
This everlasting noise needs to stop, because I can’t hear the voices in my head.

In the office sitting in a cube, tightly contained in a row.
Two phone conversations going on at the same time,
One in front of me and one behind.
Every word said is heard.
Just outside an office a congregation of three
discuss the latest meeting subject.
A co-worker loudly asks a question over the top of the cubes to another person.
All the conversations need to stop because I can’t hear the voices in my head

Sitting in the doctor’s waiting room
Hearing the muffled conversation of other patients.
A baby cries for its mother.
An older woman loudly talks
To an older gentlemen with a hearing problem.
A voice comes over a loud-speaker
Asking for a doctor to come to a treatment room.
A nurse enters the room,
Calling a patient’s name for his appointment
All the talking needs to stop because I can’t hear the voices in my head.

A catchy sound effect tune comes from the TV.
My son is playing an addictive video game.
Co-players from the internet
Chat about the current game in progress.
Next to my son is his lap top
Playing the latest video from some female singing pop star.
Across the hall the muffled sound cartoons
From a left on TV playing in my son’s room.
All of the noises need to stop because I can’t hear the voices in my head

Sitting in the cafeteria at a table.
Monotonous conversations float across the room.
A grill chef calls out an order
While another customer requests some food.
A server from the sandwich deli
Calls out to another server for more wheat bread.
The cashier chatters,
Making small talk while patrons pay for the food.
The noises need to stop because I can’t hear the voices in my head.

The noises never stop
No matter where one goes, the noises prevail.
The noises need to stop.
I can’t hear the voices in my head.

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As a small child I always dreamed of being “somebody,” but at that time it was just a mere dream.  Now I realize that being “somebody” can become a reality in one’s life if one is determined and disciplined.  This determination is very strong with me and through the years I have developed a discipline which is necessary for achieving this childhood dream.  I decided that if I want to truly be “somebody,” then I must first improve myself so that I may be worthy of the honor.

The key to my plan of action for self-improvement is awareness.  I believe that awareness of the world, of other people, and especially of myself with make me a better person.  With awareness comes growth, and with growth comes the understanding.  Understanding the ways of the world, its people and myself will then truly make me “somebody.”

For some time now I have been making a conscious effort to look at the world I live in.    Since then, I have seen the babes of spring,  and have touched the sharpness of winter.  I have also heard the warm days of summer and have tasted the ripened fruits of the fall.  Seeing which way the wind blows and how the grasses grow has told me about life.  With this knowledge, I feel that I have become a better person because I know that I have grown . . . grown in awareness . . . grown in understanding.

In the past few years I have also taken the time to learn about the people of the world.  By observation and conversation I have learned that the people are very much alike and at the same time are very different.  Whether you are an American, or a Nigerian, or of any other nationality, you still basically are an emotional human being who is trying to happily survive in this world.  Yet despite this mutual existence, each of us is very different from one another, because of our individualism.  Different experiences, teachings and emotions have formed us into individuals.  The realization of the equality and the inequality of the people of the world has once again taught me much about life.  Hopefully this new understanding of the people around me will make me a better person for myself and also for the world I live in.

Final phase of self-improvement involves awareness of myself.  I now see that the more that I learn about myself the more I like myself.  And the more I like myself, the easier it is for me to deal with this world.  Through this inner search I have found what makes me happy and what makes me sad.  I have learned why the tears fall and why the frown turns into a smile.  From these things I now know what I want out of life and how I would like to be in that life. 

As I’ve tried to explain, I have observed nature and learned about people from many cultures, including a few individuals in my own back yard.  More importantly, I have met myself.  All of these things have come to me through disciplined awareness, my key to self-improvement.  What makes this realization so exciting is that it is an endless task to perform, because there are countless things and people in the world to see and to understand.  For now, due to this awareness, and this self-awareness, I can truly declare that I know who I am.  And believe me, that’s truly “somebody.”

The journey began . . .
Emergency rooms
Ohio Children’s Hospital
Daily Multiple Seizures
Benign Rolandic Epilepsy
Doctors
Blood Tests
Short term EEG’s
Long term video EEG’s
Change in medication
Electrodes
Glue
Itching
Tears
Begging to go home
Daily Multiple Seizures
MRI’s
Cleveland Clinic
Another long-term video EEG
Research
More tears
And more research
EMG
Pain
Crying
Another change in medication
Daily Multiple Seizures
Pain
And more tears
Bravery
Specialists
This diagnosis
Daily Multiple Seizures
Another change in medication
And this diagnosis
Another change in medication
Specialist for movement disorders
Another long-term video EEG
More Medications
Side effects
Daily Multiple Seizures
Epitologist
Left Frontal Lobe Epilepsy
Fencing stance
Jacksonian marching seizures
Fear
Stress
Anxiety
IEP
And even more tears
Desperation
Daily Multiple Seizures
VNS
Mayo Clinic
Another short-term EEG
More medications
Eye blinking speed test
Involuntary movements
Frustration
Learning Disabilities
This neurologist
And then that neurologist
St. Paul Children’s Hospital
Daily Multiple Seizures
And more medications
Epilepsy Center
Several short-term EEG’s
Daily Multiple Seizures
Several long-term video EEG’s
Myoclonic epilepsy
And more medications
Cluster Seizures
And more combinations of medications
Non Epileptic Seizures
Still researching
 
And the journey continues . . .

March is the Epilepsy Foundation’s Walk for Epilepsy.  Come join us.

National Walk for Epilepsy

 

 

Sunday, March 27, 2011 – National Mall, Washington, DC

The 5th annual National Walk for Epilepsy® is a family oriented, non-competitive walk that winds around the monuments and museums on the National Mall.   The purpose of the Walk is to raise awareness of epilepsy; increase funds for much-needed programs for people with the condition; and help in the search for cures. Over the last four years, the Walk has engaged more than 25,000 participants and raised over $4 million. Please join us on the National Mall in Washington, DC on Sunday March 27, 2011 and enjoy a morning full of activities for the entire family.

This is a repeated post from November and I am reposting it since March is a special time.

Cold and airy we slowly form
One, two, three or more and now a storm

The wind whips through the air
Upward, downward without a care

Whirling, twirling as if confused
The delicate design is now abused

But with the strength of mighty steel
Crystal angles tightly spin in the reel

All around the air is blurred
Now the force be not deterred

Spiraling downward we do go
Into a storm we build and grow

The flakes of snow all around
Slowly flow to the ground

A forceful blizzard we may be
But wondrous too you must agree

Let the snow be white . . .

Posted: February 17, 2011 in Mind Flurries
Tags: , ,

The weather these days turns me blue

It’s true the temperature is headed up

The snow on the ground is no longer new

The cold winter has taken this time to letup

We are now left with snow banks melting down

No longer my favorite, all crisp and white

Instead I face the contaminated brown

I know this change in snow is its plight

But why not leave it white until the end

The time of spring can come another day

It’s true with this warm up the snow can not contend

And now the snow, away it goes, I sadly say